Every day, every minute we’re bombarded with messages from the culture about how women, young and old, are supposed to look. When it comes to weight, there’s just one right size: thin. Movies, TV, magazines, the news, advertising, music, dance…all promote “thin,” not merely as the ideal, but as the only way to look. Because these cultural messages are everywhere, they have the feel of universal truth instead of the fashion of the moment, as they actually are. Women who fit the ideal are rewarded with admiration and more. Women who don’t fit the ideal are often subjected to shaming and discrimination.
Part of being a woman in this culture is that we talk to one another about the issues of our daily lives: relationships, family issues, tastes and trends in entertainment, fashion, problems in school or work, and so forth. Sharing our ideas on these matters with one another is an important part of how we work out personal guidelines for living. These conversations are a crucial interface where individual women size up their own ideas and values with those of the larger culture.
The subject of weight—size, shape, dieting, exercise—is almost inevitable when women talk to each other. Each of us brings to these conversations our own version of desires to be socially acceptable, included, admired and loved. So what we say to one another has a big impact on all of us. The way we talk can either powerfully reinforce harmful cultural messages about weight—or confront them.
I invite you to begin thinking about the conversations you have with your friends, family, school mates, work colleagues and others about weight. When you talk with other women, do you:
- Fret over small personal weight gains?
- Report weight losses or smaller clothing size?
- Talk about others, including celebrities, who’ve gained or lost weight?
- Treat as a given that “thin” is the only acceptable look?
- Refer to anyone, including yourself, who’s even a little above the culturally–ideal weight as “fat”?
- Make moral or psychological assumptions about fat people?
- Discuss weight loss methods?
- Discuss the calorie content of various foods?
- Focus on the calorie–burning effectiveness of exercise or other activities?
- Talk about being “good” or “bad” when it comes to what you’ve eaten?
Most importantly, notice how these conversations affect you. Do they make you feel better or worse about yourself? How do they affect your mood? Do they make it more or less likely for you to go on a diet or exercise compulsively? Do they trigger eating disorder symptoms or support recovery?
If women can affect other women by reinforcing the code of “thin,” then we’re equally capable of helping each other challenge it! Weight ideals are socially constructed and change over time, just like fashions in clothing. Just being more aware of powerful cultural effects and speaking openly about them is a start.
The way you talk to your friends won’t turn the culture on its head overnight. But remember: a few women talking to a few women eventually led to female suffrage, a place for women in the work world and more equality at home. You have the choice to be “part of the problem or part of the solution,” to talk with others in ways that hurt or help your recovery.
So here is a challenge for you (should you choose to accept it!): Spend one month staying away from “thin” “fat” or “diet” talk. Instead, talk about the impact of cultural dictates when it comes to size, shape and weight on you and other women. At the end of month, notice how you feel and how this shift in focus affects your recovery efforts. Good luck!
